


I Love You Now

by sunflowerbi



Series: Killing Eve prompts [8]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Scars, THIS IS SO DRAMATIC, They sleep, Yearning, it's a lot, soft soft soft, there is, there's poetry recited in russian, they kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerbi/pseuds/sunflowerbi
Summary: Prompts: "You sleep with the stuffed animal i got you?" "Of course." + "Keep talking, your voice helps me sleep."This got a bit out of hand, haha. Villanelle is done with the chase, and she shows up to talk to Eve. There's a bit of apartment snooping, some banter, a lot of yearning, and some kisses.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: Killing Eve prompts [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804087
Comments: 1
Kudos: 61





	I Love You Now

**Author's Note:**

> thank you again vilaneeve! this took forever and ended up more dramatic than i meant it to be. (russian translations are at the end. they are as accurate as i could manage, i spent a lot of time looking at romantic russian phrases and poems.

Villanelle moved carefully around the flat, looking everything over. It was nice enough, emptier now with the loss of Niko’s things. Fewer pictures hung on the walls, and the fridge was barer than it used to be. Villanelle certainly appreciated it, finding she much preferred the flat untouched by a man Eve was clinging to only so she could continue pretending to be “normal.” There were still files covering the coffee table, left open as if Eve couldn’t be bothered wasting time closing them. Villanelle loved that; the way Eve threw herself so entirely into her work, into finding answers. She looked again at the postcard on the counter, her own loopy handwriting scrawled across the card, “ _See you Monday, darling. xx”_ It was in the same place Villanelle left it Thursday morning, having been in a rush but desperate to communicate with Eve in any small way. She wondered idly if Eve was avoiding the flat, if she would spend the night at someone else’s place just to prevent this meeting. Villanelle doubted Eve would be able to stave off her curiosity, but if she had learned anything it was that she shouldn’t doubt Eve. She hoped, though, that Eve wanted to see her.

Villanelle had wanted people before, certainly. Had wanted to touch them, kiss them, even on occasion spend time with them. The way she wanted Eve, though, was different. It was desperate and all-consuming. She’d never wanted someone in that way, still didn’t know what to do with it. She’d learned her lesson, knew that if Eve didn’t want her in the same way she had to let her go, but she hadn’t figured out what _she_ was supposed to do in that case. She had never been scared to lose a person before. She was finding she didn’t enjoy it. She just had to wait, though. Eve would arrive eventually, and Villanelle would convince her that she did, in fact, love her, and that she should give them a chance.

Until then, she entertained herself easily enough, fingers flicking through shirts and pants hung neatly in the closet, frowning as she considered how she could improve Eve’s wardrobe. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy the turtlenecks, it’s just that she thought Eve deserved nicer ones. Some variety wouldn’t hurt, either, but that was an issue for a later date. (Not too much later, hopefully.) She continued moving around the room, her fingers occasionally passing over objects she found to be of particular interest. Villanelle noticed that Eve’s flat was organized much like Eve’s mind. It was cluttered, items placed seemingly without thought, until you saw her move through the area. She had watched Eve move in this space, and everything flowed naturally to her, just as in her brain. Eve’s conclusions rarely made sense to anyone until they heard her explain exactly how she’d made it there, and then they can’t remember thinking anything different. Just as nobody would be able to figure out why Eve kept her lipstick in the living room unless they’d watch her running late for work, had seen her grab one of them and quickly apply it when she caught herself in the mirror, placed by the door for the same reason. Villanelle almost felt guilty for the way she knew this, having watched Eve before dropping the card off, but the bit of knowledge about Eve, the piece of the woman she’d gained, was far too valuable to her. She reveled in knowing things about her, wanted to keep learning things.

For now, though, she could hear the jostling of a key in the lock, and knew it was time for the end of the stage they were in now. She was done with in between, tired of not knowing. Mystery had its appeal, certainly, but the novelty had long since faded and she needed to know that Eve wanted her the way she wanted Eve. So, when Eve opened the door, Villanelle was sitting on one of the stools by the kitchen, looking out towards the hallway Eve was making her way through.

“You know, most people would just call ahead of time, so they know when to swing by, instead of breaking into people’s flats for fun. You’re lucky my neighbors don’t care about me enough to call someone.” Eve said, more exasperated than surprised by Villanelle’s presence in her kitchen.

“Well, I have never been most people, have I?” Villanelle had collected herself, although she heard her voice falter a bit, disliking how she struggled to find her usually cockiness.

“No, you certainly haven’t.”

“I was worried you were avoiding me, darling Eve.”

Eve rolled her eyes as she grabbed two mugs and a random bottle of wine from her refrigerator, “You know, I have a job, I can’t just sit around all day waiting for you to appear in my kitchen.” She poured the wine, handing one to Villanelle, taking a sip from her own.

“I did not mind waiting, I like looking at your things.” Villanelle explained, as if Eve had been worried about inconveniencing her. “I like what you’ve done with the place, getting rid of the mustache’s things. I have some numbers though, people who could help you redecorate. It’s a bit depressing in here, really.”

“Thank you for the advice, really. So, what did you need to talk to me about?” Eve rolled her eyes, “I’d say it must be important if you had to break into my flat for it, but I have a feeling it could’ve been anything and you still would have broken in.”

“I think you are right, but it just so happens to be important. We have done this twice already; do you have a knife? I do not have a gun this time.” She was trying for humor, but found it fell a bit more desperate, more like begging, _please don’t let this end like it did before._

“I have plenty in the kitchen, but since I just walked in the door, I haven’t had to chance to grab one, so no. I wouldn’t stab you again, though, even if I did.” Eve pointed out, a small smile crossing her face.

“That is good to know, for what it’s worth I wouldn’t shoot you again either.” Villanelle looked at her feet, suddenly finding her pink toenails to be of much interest. “You kissed me. We were fighting and then you kissed me and then you hit me again.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“I do not understand why you would do that. Were you mad at me or not? You hit me a lot, so I thought you were angry with me, since I shot you and all. Then you kissed me, which is not what people usually do when they are mad at someone.” Villanelle hoped that Eve realized she really didn’t understand, that she really wanted to.

Eve breathed out a small laugh, a fond smile on her face, “Of course I was mad at you, V, you fucking shot me. It’s just that when you’re an inch away from me and you look like _you_ , it’s hard to only feel angry. I wanted to kill you, but mostly I just wanted to kiss you, like I should have in Paris.”

“Oh.” It was nearly silent, a realization inaudible to anyone not entirely focused on Villanelle’s every movement.

“I don’t even know if I’m angry anymore. I should be, you tried to kill me. I did it first, though. God, there’s not a minute I don’t regret pushing that knife into you.” Eve reached out without thinking, her fingers lightly touching Villanelle’s scar over the soft black of her shirt, feeling the mangled line she’d put there.

“I love the scar, though. You gave it to me, and I could never hate anything you gave me.” Villanelle placed her hand on top of Eve’s, tracing a finger along the line.

“I would say I don’t understand, but sometimes I catch my scar in the mirror and I’m struck by how much I miss you.” Eve moved their joined hands over to her own scar, flipping hers over Villanelle’s. She traced the line on her chest where it entered, reveling in the physical representation of all that they felt for each other.

“So, you do miss me?”

“Constantly.”

They fell into each other, hands parting only to find their places on hips and cheeks, Villanelle letting one thread into Eve’s hair. The kiss was slow, a _welcome home, please stay_. Two women desperate to be done with the chase, to pull each other so close they couldn’t be separated anymore.

“Oksana. I love you.” Eve mumbled it, their lips still fumbling against each other.

“I love you. I love you; _I love you_ Eve.” She spoke it like a prayer, her arms pulling Eve impossibly closer. “Say my name again, please.”

“Oksana.” It was whispered this time, Eve falling in love with the way it rolled off her lips. “Oksana, I need you to stay. Please.”

“Of course. I can’t leave you, Eve. _Ty moy ray, ty moyo nebo, ty moyo solntse._ ” They pulled apart, now, gentle pecks pressed against lips as they did.

Eve pulled Oksana towards the bedroom, stripping out of her work clothes as soon as they arrived. She found comfortable clothes for Oksana and herself before falling into the bed. She was in love, and there were so many things she wanted to do. Right now, though, the day had drained her of all she had, and she wanted to sleep with Oksana in her arms.

“You sleep with the bear I got you?” Eve looked over and saw Oksana holding the fluffy pink animal she’d been unable to get rid of, no matter how hard she tried.

“Of course.” Eve smiled, “You gave it to me. How could I ever hate something you gave me?”

Eve tugged Oksana onto the bed, kissing her again.

“I could kiss you forever. I don’t think it would be enough.” Oksana admitted between kisses. She had never been so content, so full of something she’d never experienced but she didn’t think she would stop feeling ever again, not as long as Eve was beside her.

“I hope you’ll try.” Eve ran her fingers down Oksana’s face, tracing the outline of her jaw. “I don’t think I could lose you again.”

“You will not, sweet Eve. I am yours now, forever.”

“We need to sleep. I need to sleep.” Eve whispered, “I can finally sleep now that you’re in my arms.”

“ _Я хочу́ просыпа́ться с тобо́й ка́ждое у́тро. я хочу спать рядом с тобой навсегда._ _Ты смысл мое́й жи́зни.”_

“Keep talking, your voice helps me sleep. It reminds me that I have you now.” Eve stared into Oksana’s eyes, trying her hardest to pour every bit of love she felt into the look.

“There is a poem, in Russia. I used to read it when I missed you.” Oksana pushed a few loose curls behind Eve’s ear, her fingers taking their time as they traced the outline of her cheek.

> “ _Я люблю тебя здесь и сейчас,_
> 
> _Не тайно - для галочки;_
> 
> _Я горю в твоих лучах - ни до, ни после._
> 
> _Я не хочу прошлого,_
> 
> _Я не знаю будущего._
> 
> _Я люблю тебя здесь и сейчас, со слезами и смехом_.”

“I love you too, Oksana.” Eve mumbled; her eyelids fluttering shut. As Oksana watched her breathing steady, she felt her own eyes grow heavy, a warm happiness soothing her broken soul.

**Author's Note:**

> V's first quote:  
> "You are my heaven, you are my sky, you are my sun"  
> V's second:  
> "I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to sleep next to you forever. You are the meaning of my life."  
> The poem is the beginning of a poem called "I Love You Now" by Vladimir Vysotsky, it translates as:  
> "I love you here and now,  
> Not secretly - for show;  
> I'm burning in your rays - neither before nor after.  
> I do not want the past,  
> The future I don't know.  
> I love you here and now, with tears and with laughter."  
> Tumblr: [sunflowerbi](https://sunflowerbi.tumblr.com/)


End file.
